The days when I feel particularly down...I try to think of my rainbow. When I was little I used to love drawing them and of course there was always a pot of gold at the end of it. And naturally because I am older I realize that pots of gold aren't laying around anywhere. But no one has never told me that something better awaits me beyond the dark clouds. There's got to be an end to the shadows and the rain. There is an opposite to all things...and in my trials I am comforted by God's Promise. The rainbow...and His Word.

Romans 12 is speaking to me! What a powerful Word. I haven't read it in awhile but I'm realizing that God is calling me for something higher as He is calling all of us. I got to get there!
I may lose friends but I got to get there, afterall God is the only friend I need, right? Right..but what good are you if your basking in God's greatness and doing it solo. Bring them with you! Yes! :) Bring them...God says..."not slothful in business, fervent in spirit; serving the Lord." Romans 12:12. For me the "business" has got to be God's!! I think what my problem is that I've been too busy doing other people's business...runnin' around like a jackass, thinkin' I was cute in my sin!! The nerve of me :)...I know I'm silly but with humor comes truth. I'm tired of doin other peoples business...cause in the end what have they done for me?!? (Long pause) Nada...is the answer. ..."fervent in spirit"...God's business...

Discovering. I find myself doing that these days. Re-evaluating myself and looking me over..its not an easy process. Looking oneself over and examining your body and mind can be excruciating. But necessary!
Are we worthy? No. Am I worthy?!? No, and will I ever be? No. But am I even close to the requirements that God has given us...hmm, now that's food for thought. I'm not one to break out bible verses but Romans 12:1...my fav bible verse..."that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service."
You mean we have to do stuff?! :) God's love is unconditional yes but he requires some things from us. You can run from it, party from it, steal, lie, cheat, deny it even but you cannot hide from the Word. Its like a spotlight that will find you. Guess what it found me! My numbers hit :)...God says its time daughter...come now and do your reasonable service.

Spending time with those that love you is important. Growing up I sometimes felt that I wasn't loved. But I can remember thinking of God's abundant grace and feeling that yes indeed someone did love me and I wasn't really that desperate.
I'm not perfect and definitely don't always have the right answers...not even close in fact. I'm just striving striving striving to know Him better. Knowing Him better makes me better. Point here is that God's love is vital..family, ie: people arent always dependable. We must lean upon God..he never gets tired!!

You ever feel like your being used? And what's worse you know your being used and you do nothing about it. Its as if your hands and feet are bound..tape across your mouth...you feel completely restricted to do anything.
Have you ever allowed yourself to be free...rip the restraints off. What a great feeling it is to take the burden of domination off. To lift your head up and say NO...not anymore.
When it seems almost impossible to bear...God does the work! Its okay to tag in your partner...HE will finish the job! It wasn't your battle to begin with...give it to Him. He will be Victorious!!

So, today has been an extremely exhausting and interesting day! A day is not normal it seems unless some disappointment appears. I think I definitely experienced a lot of emotions today...up, down, in the middle, happy, sad...fed up, tired, hopeful, excited and angry. They were all present...its as if they woke with me. All waiting in line for their turn...they came and went but I am still here. Stil thankful to the One and Only...my Father.
I lay here and reflect on this day...and come to only one conclusion. I have the power to change...only me. And perhaps things/my situation hasn't completely changed because I haven't. Its as if I'm waiting for something...I feel at times I'm supposed to just BE. Stop making plans, stop being busy and just concentrate on God. Not an easy task...but I will put my trust and confidence in only Him...

Am I real...

Hi and dry
That's how I've been gettin by
Sun beams not in my sights
The lonely moon is my light
The cleansing well is far away
My mind not yet awake
The heart beats fast
Pulsing
Fading
Into the earth